真相很少纯粹 也绝不简单 奥斯卡-王尔德
我18岁事写了 莎拉 这本小说
I was 18 when I wrote my novel "Sarah."
从没想过它会成为畅销书
Never thought it'd become a bestseller
以至于这么多人想要见一见
with all these fancy people wantin' to meet me,
我这个缥缈的JT 莱罗伊
the illusive JT LeRoy.
但我更喜欢宅在家
But I prefer to be a shut-in
因为当我在创作或通话时
'cause when I'm writin' or on the phone,
我可以清楚地告诉人们我想要表达的是什么
I get to show people exactly what I wanna show 'em.
我可以陷入文字世界 忘乎所以
I can focus on the words and just... leave my body behind.
JT·莱罗伊
基于真实故事改编
-伙计 这听起来真棒 -是吗
- Dude, it's so good! - Yeah?
这是我们刚从录音棚拿到的试听版
We just got the, uh, the demos back from the studio,
这真是太让人兴奋了
so, yeah, I'm pretty fuckin' excited.
-是劳拉唱的吗 -是她吗
- Is that her? Is that Laura? - Uh-huh.
-对 对 就是她 -唱得不错嘛
- Yeah, no, no, that's her. - Cool.
-唱的超棒 你觉得呢 -当然
- Pretty fucking great, right? - Yeah.
伙计 她是一个
Man, she's, uh...
我只是等不及让你见到她
I... I just can't wait for you to meet her.
我现在居然真的住在这里了 真是难以置信
I fucking live here now. I can't believe this.
没错 你真的住在这了
Fuck, yes, you live here.
伙计 你走出家门了
Dude, you made it out of mom's place.
你即将拥抱这个世界 我为你感到骄傲
You're going up in the world. I'm proud of you.
-为你骄傲 -谢了
- Proud of you. - Thanks.
旧金山 2001年
嘿 有人在吗
Hey, hey!
嘿 进来吧 我们到了
Hey, come in. This is us.
厨房就在那边 跟我来
Uh, kitchen right over here. Come through.
-这些书堆在了外面 -那很酷
- I kept those books out... - Oh, these are beautiful.
我之前试过重新整理它们 但你懂的 我不会再碰它们了
I wouldn't touch that. You know, we got lead. I had it tested.
就是这样 这就是奇迹发生的地方
Alright, this is it. This is where the magic happens.
-杰夫这儿太棒了 -是吗
- This is so cool, Geoff. - Right?
那个沙发坏了 你尽量让自己舒服点
Now, listen, uh, couch opens up, uh, make yourself comfy,
我去泡点茶
and, uh, I'll... I'll make some tea.
你想喝茶吗
You want a tea?
我想喝点啤酒
I'd love a beer.
啤酒 好的马上来 算你走运
Beer. Right on. Okay. You're in luck.
我刚做了一批新鲜的自制啤酒
I, uh, just made a fresh batch of home brew. Cool.
-嘿 快出来见见我妹妹 -这就出来
- Hey, yo! Come meet my sister! - Be right there!
不管怎样 每当我告诉他不能这么做
Anyway, every time I tell him no,
我能感觉到他只会更加渴望
I can feel him wantin' more.
我简直不敢相信这个南方小男孩
I just can't believe this itty-bitty Southern rant boy
正在抗争
is denyin'.
不得不说 我喜欢掌控一切
I gotta admit, I like having the power.
嗯 好吧
Alright, yeah.
非常感谢
Yeah, thanks.
明天同一时间 再见
Same time tomorrow. Bye.
她在哪儿 她在哪儿呢
Where is she? Where is she?
-嘿 -哦 你真漂亮
- Hey. - Oh, look at you.
萨凡纳
Oh, Savannah.
杰夫的好妹妹
Geoff's baby sister.
-我从你的微笑中看到了你美好的灵魂 -真棒 你们见面了
- I see your soul in your smile. - Cool, you guys have met.
看看这个人 和你说的一模一样
Look at this creature. Just as you said.
我不敢相信这是你做的 太酷了
I can't believe you made this. That's so cool.
还好吧 只是擅长做这个
No. I'm good. I'm getting good at this.
宝贝你什么都擅长
You're good at everything, baby.
我听了车里放的音乐了
Mm, I heard the music in the car.
-唱得不错 -很惊艳 对吧
- It is good. It is... - Amazing, right?
唱得太好了 他在他的音乐里
It's so cool. He's in his zone.
-我只是写歌词 -她只是写了歌词吗
- I'm just writin' lyrics... - Oh, she's just writing lyrics?
不 不 是这位女士把我的音乐
No, no, no, no. This woman is turning my music
变成这些优美的歌曲
into, like, these beautiful songs.
我们每天写两三首歌 这简直是疯了
We're writing two, three songs a day. It's insane.
-他热情高涨 -是你热情高涨
- He's on fire. - You're on fire.
-是你 宝贝 -我们都热情高涨
- You're on fire, babe. - We're on fire.
那是什么
What's that?
这是我做的一个东西
Oh, it's just this thing I made.
我用强力胶带在周围多缠了一圈
I had an extra roll of duct tape lying around.
-等等 这真是你做的吗 -太漂亮了
- Wait a minute. Hold on. - That's pretty cool.
这仅仅是你做的一个物件吗
Yeah. Just a thing you made?
这不仅仅是一个物件
That is not just a thing.
那是什么 看起来像神奇的独角兽背包
What is that? Like magical unicorn backpack?
这太让我惊讶了
That is blowing my mind.
这可是纯粹的艺术 你就像是创意天才
That's pure art. That's, like, creative genius.
别把那些东西看贬了 好吗 宝贝
Don't, don't put that stuff down. Right, baby?
-嗯-好的 好的 当然不会
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah, yeah. No, fuck, yeah.
你得带她去参加李的派对
Oh, you gotta take her to Lee's party.
-你应该去的 -我们都应该去
- You gotta go. - Oh, we gotta go.
-我们一起去吧 -对啊 这可是你在这的第一个晚上
- We gotta go. - Oh, yeah, first night.
-你会来的 对吗 -当然 是的
- You're gonna come, right? - Of course, yeah.
你们想做的任何事 我都没问题
Anything you guys wanna do, I'm open.
你会跟我们去吗 她刚到这都跟我们去了
Are you gonna come? She just got here.
所以你必须得去 走吧
And you've gotta come. Come on.
我们不是希望你去 而是需要你去
We don't want you to come, we need you to come.
-好吧 好吧 -我们需要你
- Alright, alright. - We need you!
你在拖我去参加庆祝舞会
You're dragging me into the celebration!
你要去参加李的派对啦 小萨来到旧金山啦
You're going to Lee's party! Sav's moving to San Francisco!
-最近怎么样 -小萨你穿这个
- Yo, yo, what's up? - Hey, Sav!
我们俩穿一件衣服就行
I put this on you. We share clothes.
天呐 它和你的头发真配
Oh, my God! It looks amazing with your hair!
塞缪尔
Oh, Samuel!
这是杰夫的妹妹萨凡纳
This is Geoff's sister, Savannah.
是的 她正在接管他的旧公寓
Yeah, she's taking over his old apartment.
嗨 我是小萨 很高兴见到你
Hey, I'm Sav. Nice to meet you.
扭曲与尖叫 海报挂在墙上呢
Twist & Scream poster is on the wall.
哦 该死
Oh, shit!
太漂亮了 那就是我们的乐队
That's so beautiful. That's our band. Yeah.
-你是艺术家 -是的 是的
- So you're an artist? - Yeah, yeah.
-你叫什么名字 -索菲
- What's your name? - Sophie.
-索菲 什么类型的艺术呢 -是的
- Sophie. What kind of art? - Yeah.
比较像概念艺术
It's like conceptual.
文章写的非常精彩
And the writing has been amazing.
最后就不需用电话性爱来支付房租了
Finally not paying the rent with phone sex.
而且我收到一些卢勇信 就像是
And I'm getting some offers. It's like...
劳拉 你说你做过电话性爱服务
Laura, you say you did phone sex?
是的 当然
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
这是有史以来最具创造性的工作之一
It's one of the more creative jobs ever.
你必须全身心投入到角色中去
You know, you have to get into the role play of it.
但是作为一个作家 这是一种疯狂的行为
But as a writer, it's in the madness
这样创造一个角色 你明白我的意思吗
of creating a character, you know what I mean? You're...
然后他们的注意力就转移到索菲身上去了
And then their attention turns to Sophie?
因为她的那些古怪的丁克画吗
Because of her rinky-dink paintings?
抱歉我的意思是 她之所以能成为焦点
I mean, I'm sorry, but, like, she's getting that
因为她是一个有着可爱的
'cause she's a cute girl with a cute little fucking ass
迷人的小屁股和迷人的小艺术的漂亮女孩
and her cute little art.
你能想象如果他们知道我是JT莱罗伊的场景吗
Can you imagine if they knew I was JT LeRoy?
能吗
Right?
如果他们知道我是 纽约时报 的畅销书作者
If they knew I was a "New York Times" bestselling author.
我的意思是 这太疯狂了
I mean, that's just so crazy.
-好吧 那就告诉他们 -杰夫
- Yeah, well, then tell them. - Geoff.
你知道我们不能那样做
You know we can't do that.
我有了一个主意
I got an idea.
如果我做了伪装后再出现会怎么样呢
What if I do go out for some kind of disguise?
怎么
What's up?
你想知道一个秘密吗
You wanna keep a secret?
-这是什么 -这是我的书 莎拉
- What's this? - It's my book "Sarah."
我的不朽之作
My shot at immortality.
哦 那么JT就是你的笔名
Oh, so JT's like your pen name?
-他更像我的化身 -这孩子是谁
- More like my avatar. - Who is this kid?
这是我在旧货店里找到的一张照片
That's just a photo I found at a thrift store.
我喜欢它 因为他看起来就像丹尼斯库珀的小说里的孩子
I loved it 'cause he looks like a kid in a Dennis Cooper novel.
-我爱丹尼斯库珀 -那真是太棒了
- I love Dennis Cooper. - Of course, you do.
哦 你认识玛丽 盖特基尔吗
Oh! Hey, do you know Mary Gaitskill?
是的 但是我没有读过她的任何东西
Um, yeah, but I haven't... I haven't read any of her stuff.
-我想要读来着 -哦 你一定会喜欢的
- I want to. - Oh, you're gonna love it.
我现在正在读科莱特的书
I'm just finishing the Colette books right now.
天啊 我还记得我第一次读科莱特的书
My God, I remember the first time I read Colette.
我会觉得自己是个法国人
I'd feel so French and...
所有这些伟大的作品都来源于苦难
All this great writing that comes from distress.
但里面也有美好留存
But it has beauty in it, too, you know.
比如 嗯 JT当然也有这个经历
Like, ah, JT certainly had that.
比如 他的祖父母是原教旨主义者 超级虐待狂
Like, his grandparents were fundamentalists, super sadistic.
嘿 记得跟我说说你的想法
Hey, let me know what you think?
好的 当然
Of course, yeah.
你好
Hello.
嗨
Hi.
这是我第一天去停车场
"It's my first day on the lot.
我戴着我母亲莎拉送我的
I'm wearing the golden Rapunzel wig
金色的龙舌兰假发
bestowed upon me by my mother, Sarah,
她是传说的美女也是最火辣的妓女
the legendary beauty and fiercest hooker
她曾在南部的一个卡车停靠站工作
that ever did work a truck stop down south.
穿着她的高跟鞋 我昂首阔步地
In her high heels, I strut
走在车水马龙的大卡车之间
between the long shimmering lines of big rigs."
卡什打开护身符 露出浣熊的阴茎骨时
"Cash's hand is like the maw of some big animal
他的手就像某种大型动物的胃
as he opens it revealing a raccoon penis bone.
这个护身符使他的柏油女郎
The talisman that distinguishes his asphalt girls
与众不同
from all others.
骨头越大 他那柔软的女孩躯体的需求
The bigger the bone, the more in demand
就越旺盛
her soft girl material is.
如果你没有注意到浣熊阴茎骨项链
If you didn't notice the raccoon penis bone necklaces
并且你不知道这意味着什么
and you didn't know what that meant,
你永远不会知道他们实际上是男孩
you'd never know they were actually boys.
你也应该有块浣熊骨
You got to earn that raccoon."
暴徒包围了我
"The mob surrounds me.
撕扯着我的系带 撕开我来之不易的衣服
Tearing at my lace, ripping my hard-won finery.
他是个男孩 他们喊道
"It's a goddamn boy," they yell.
饥饿的豺狼
Hungry jackals begging at the moon
在树林里追着我的同时又向月亮乞讨
while chasing me through the woods.
这就是我的全部
This is all I am.
一颗血淋淋的心
A bloody glittering heart
在一片淤青的天空下承受重击
thumping under a bruised black sky,
拒绝让任何人告诉我我应该是谁
refusing to let anyone tell me who I'm supposed to be."
我觉得这本书写得太美了
Found it so beautiful.
这很不可思议
It's crazy.
我从来没有读过这样的书
I've never read anything like it
你知道 这真的很悲伤
and it's really painful, you know.
但就像魔法一样 我甚至不能
But like fucking magic and I can't even...
我不能 想要用正确的方式来描述
I can't, like, think of the right way to describe
它带给我的感受
how it makes me feel, honestly.
天哪 能听到你这么说
Oh, my God, that's so beautiful
真是太好了
to hear you talk about it that way.
你当然会有这种感受了
God, of course, you so get it.
我不知道杰夫是否告诉过你
I don't know if Geoff told you.
我当时在如此黑暗的地方
I was in such a dark place, you know.
灵魂或情感 或任何你想称之为的东西
And it was... soul or spirit or whatever you wanna call it
都体现了我
just... embodied me.
这位耶利米
This Jeremiah...
终结者莱罗伊
Terminator LeRoy.
耶利米 终结者 莱罗伊
Jeremiah Terminator LeRoy.
哇
Wow.
然后他开始给这个治疗师打电话
Then he started calling this therapist
他告诉JT 嘿 你应该把你的故事写下来
who told JT, "Hey, you should write your story down."
能和你分享这些真是太棒了
And it's kind of amazing sharing this with you
因为
'cause, um,
当我第一次见到你的时候 我觉得你和他长得很像
when I first saw you, I thought you looked like him.
-哈 -这就是为什么我想
- Huh? - It's why I was just...
想问你我能不能给你拍张照来当作他的照片
I wanted to ask you if I could take a picture of you as him.
你 你的意思是 让
What do you... what do you mean? Like...
我 我用JT这个身份打了很多年的电话
I'm... I've been JT on the phone for years,
人们现在需要见他
and people need to see him now.
我是说 你知道的 我是个女孩
I mean, I'm... a girl, you know.
我想陈述一下这个事实
Just to state the obvious.
不 没关系 这是好事
No. No. That's what's beautiful.
JT是兼具两性的
He's androgynous, you know.
他就像 你知道 他发现了自己的身份 发现了他自己的特性
He's like, you know, discovering his own identity.
或是男孩 或是女孩 他在伪装 另外我会给你50块钱
Boy, girl. He's in disguise, and I'd pay you 50 bucks.
你去应酬 访问 杂志
It is for "Interview" magazine.
小萨 那可是 采访 杂志啊
Sav, "Interview" magazine!
你怎么看
What do you think?
我的意思是 当然 为什么不呢
I mean, yeah, sure. Why not?
你确定 他就长这样吗
Oh, really? This is what it looks like?
-是的 -好吧
- Yeah. - Ew.
-看起来真棒 -好的
- Looks great. - Okay.
收起你的下巴 保持倾斜 完美
So put your chin down. Keep it tilted. Perfect.
向右一点 现在请给我一点眼神
Little bit to the right. Now just give me eyes though.
再给一点点 完美
A little bit. Perfect.
天哪 我打了个冷颤
Oh, my God, I'm getting chills.
你看起来棒极了
Sav, you look great.
这就是JT 太完美了
That's JT. It's fucking perfect.
-你不想再拍一个吗 -你在开玩笑吗
- You don't wanna do one more? - Are you kidding me?
这玩意每盒要12美元 我们走吧
These are $12 a box. Let's go!
我做到了
I did it.
对我来说 这是一个全新的开始
This is a whole new beginning for me.
就像打开了新世界的大门
Like a whole new world.
对JT的采访
这是你的 你好
Here you go. You all good?
你的头发很好看
That hair looks good on you.
谢谢
Thank you.
我注意到你的鞋子 我从来没见过这么穿的
I was noticing your shoes. I've never seen that.
是的 释放脚趾 剩下的顺其自然
Yeah. Free the toes and the rest will follow.
你来过这里 我在这里见过你
You've been in here. I've seen you in here.
你 你住在附近吗
You... do you live nearby?
嗯 非常近 我叫米申
Uh, pretty close. Mission.
-你呢 -索玛
- You? - Uh, Soma.
对
Right.
我就在这里工作 如果你需要什么
If you need anything, I'm gonna be working here
尽管叫我
for the rest of the time you'll be here, so...
-好的 -好的
- Okay. - Okay.
-喂 -萨凡纳 我是劳拉
- Hello? - Savannah, it's Laura.
最近怎么样 你能再帮我一次吗
Oh, my God, how are you? Can you do it one more time?
嘿 我是JT 莱罗伊
Hey, I'm JT LeRoy.
嘿 我是JT 莱罗伊
Hey, I'm JT LeRoy.
嘿 我是JT 莱罗伊
Hey, I'm JT LeRoy.
嘿 我是JT 莱罗伊
Hey, I'm JT LeRoy.
太棒了
It's great.
我的意思是 拍照片是一回事
I mean, it's one thing taking a photo,
也许聊嘿 我是JT 莱罗伊
maybe saying like, hey, I'm JT LeRoy,
对这个角色来说就是另外一回事了
but it's another thing being him.
不 不 不会的 首先 我已经接受过采访了
No, no, no, first of all, I did the interview already.
所以他不会试着和你畅谈一番 明白吗
So it's not like he's trying to talk to you, right?
他只是想拍张照片
He just wants to get the picture.
此外 当你遇到新朋友的时候
And besides, when you're meeting someone new,
你会质疑他们所说的话吗
would you ever question who they say they are?
它会很完美的
It's gonna be perfect. Here.
这是对JT的采访
This is, uh, an interview with JT
你可以听听这个声音
so you can listen to the voice.
对了 我得给你看这个
Oh, I've gotta show you.
真是难以置信的
There's this unbelievably, like,
比如这个性感女星
hot as fuck actress
来自欧洲的伊娃 艾夫琳
Eva Avelin from Europe.
这本书在欧洲口碑很好
The book is doing really well there.
她每天晚上都给JT打电话
She's been calling JT every night.
她好像着了迷一样
Just like obsessing
而且我们谈的很默契
and we're finishing each other's sentences.
-哇 -是的
- Whoa. - Yeah.
你想要一块曲奇吗
You want a cookie?
不了 吃曲奇会长赘肉 我不想那样
Oh, no, cookies produce curves. I can't do it.
什么 你不吃曲奇这类的是想走哥特风吗
Wh... what? You can't, like, eat cookies and be goth?
我 我不是哥特风
I'm... I'm not goth.
-只是长得很瘦吗 -也不一定
- Just skinny? - No, not necessarily.
只是 没有曲线而已
Just... just no... curves.
你就是因为这个才束缚住它
Is that why you're, like, binding it up
而且一直穿着运动胸罩吗
and wearing sports bras all the time?
这和JT太像了
That's perfect for JT.
摆脱胸部的困扰 你已经做到了
Get rid of the boobs, you're already there.
是啊
Yeah.
今天 我要和JT 莱罗伊聊聊
Today, I'm speaking with JT LeRoy,
他是小说 莎拉 年轻的作者
the young writer of "Sarah,"
这本小说是基于他自己的经历
a bestselling novel based on his experience
他的母亲
as the son of a prostitute
是南方卡车停靠点的站街女
who worked truck stops in the south.
JT 你妈妈一直冒充你是她的妹妹吗
JT, your mother used to pass you off as her younger sister?
是的 我是说 莎拉
Yeah. I mean, um, Sarah,
她知道琼斯不喜欢她在外面找别的男孩
she knew that Johns didn't like having a boy around,
所以她找了两个漂亮的女孩
so she made it two pretty girls
她知道这样会引起更多的关注
'cause she knew that'd get twice the attention.
小萨 你这样挺好的 我意思是说
Sav, you're... you're cool with this, right? I mean...
如果你不喜欢 你打可以不必这样做
Y... you don't have to do it if you don't want to.
不 不 我挺喜欢这样的
Yeah, no, no, totally. I'm into it.
你母亲有让你去卖淫的想法吗
Did your mother expect you to engage in prostitution?
她没有强迫我做什么 但
I mean, she didn't force me or nothin', but...
她没有强迫我做什么
I mean, she didn't force me or nothin'...
我完全不能理解 但
I don't quite understand it 100%, but, like...
没错 这 很复杂
Yeah, it's, uh, it's... complicated.
-我喜欢精心 -我喜欢精心打扮自己
- I loved dressin'... - I loved dressin' up.
-穿上衣服 -穿上衣服
- Puttin' on clothes. - Puttin' on clothes.
-转变成另一个人 -转变成另一个人
- Turnin' into someone else. - Turnin' into someone else.
劳拉在电话中一直用JT的身份
Look, Laura is on the phone all the time as JT,
同时她也扮演他的经纪人 斯派蒂
but she also pretends to be his manager, Speedie.
-她把我当做艾斯特 -艾斯特是谁
- And she deemed me Astor. - Astor?
艾斯特是斯派蒂的男朋友
Yeah, Astor's like Speedie's boyfriend
我们把JT从街上救了出来
and we saved JT from the streets.
我们就像一个幸福家庭之类
You know, we're like this happy family and shit.
我的书是虚构的
My books are fiction.
但有时
I mean, I tell stories, but sometimes
谎言比真相更真实
the lies are more true than the truth.
比真相更真实
True than the truth.
有时候谎言比真相更真实
Sometimes the lie is more true than the truth.
相信我 这整件事对我来说也很疯狂
Trust me, this whole thing is crazy for me too.
我也没想过会搬进来个
I mean, didn't expect to be moving in
十几岁的鸭
with a teenage male prostitute
还有一个令人讨厌的大嗓门英国女人
and an obnoxious loud British woman.
令人讨厌的大嗓门英国女人
Obnoxious loud British woman?
是的 就是斯派蒂
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's... that's Speedie.
你好呀 帅小伙
Well, hello, you right little bugger.
我以为你不来了呢
I thought you weren't gonna show.
准备好拍摄了吗
Ready for the shoot?
布鲁斯 这是JT
Bruce, this is JT!
-嗨 JT -跟他打个招呼吧
- Hi, JT. - Say, hello.
你好
Hi.
他 他有点紧张
He... he gets a bit nervous.
另外 他不喜欢别人碰他
And also, by the way, he don't like to be touched, alright?
在这房间你完全可以
Alright, so I give you full permission.
随便看 拍你想拍的
Poke around, find your shot, but, like, in this room.
嘿 JT 很高兴你能同意采访
Oh, hey, JT, I'm so glad that we could make this work.
这是从你的网站上买的
Hey, uh, bought this from you online.
我知道你有多喜欢巧克力
And I know how much you like chocolate.
不用那么客气的 我也喜欢巧克力
What? Nothin' for the handler? I like it too.
-不错的房间 -没错
- Great room. - Great.
我妹妹很有品味
My sister's got great taste.
JT 我想问下你俩住在哪里
So, JT, why you don't tell me where, uh, you two guys live?
-嗯 我住在 -田德隆区
- Uh, I live in, um... - Tenderloin.
没错 我们住那
Yeah. Over there.
挺好的 我们要拍了
Oh, cool. There we go.
最好能把那张 扭曲和尖叫 海报一起拍进去
You know, um, if you can get that Twist & Scream poster in.
那是我妹妹的乐队 JT也很喜欢它
That's me sister's band and JT loves it.
你喜欢这乐队 对吧
You'd like that, right?
我想我们需要放松一下
I think we need to loosen up a little bit.
-放松吗 -确实需要放松一点
- Oh! Loosen up? - Yeah, we do.
来吧 宝贝 放松你的肌肉
Shake up them muscles, let go, lovey.
-喜欢吗 -太棒了
- You like that? - Great, great.
我有个办法 你可以试着
I got an idea. Why don't you, um...
试着站在这上面
Just try standing on this.
我不会滑板 所以这有点奇怪
I'm not really a skater, so it's kind of weird.
好的 不如
Okay, how about, um...
我觉得 稍等
You know what? Wait, um...
我有 呃
I've got, uh...
JT喜欢化妆
JT loves makeup.
给他涂个口红怎么样
What about a lipstick? Right?
你想涂点口红吗 亲爱的
You wanna put some lipstick on, love?
那有镜子 这应该不错 怎么样
In the mirror? It could be good, right?
试试看行不行
Yeah, let's try if we can get it right.
我看看 这样不错
Let's, uh... This is nice.
你喜欢吗
Do you like it?
很好 很漂亮
Good. Really nice.
-慢慢来 美女 -很好
- Slowly now, pretty. - Nice!
借过一下 我怕这滑板
I'm just, I'm worried, sorry, that... that skateboard is...
-斯派蒂 你在镜头里了 -抱歉
- Speedie, you're in the shot. - Oh, sorry.
让一下 让一下
Alright, come on out. Come on out.
很好 很漂亮 JT
Good. Beautiful, JT.
很美 很美 很美
Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.
-没关系 -我要去取个水
- That's alright. - I'm just gonna take a leak.
好的
Okay.
我觉得先这样吧
Yeah, I think he's done.
啊 我 第一卷还没拍完呢
Oh, I just... I only shot one roll.
不 不 亲爱的 你不懂
Oh, no, no, love, you don't know
你能拍他就很走运了
how fortunate you are to get the shot at all.
你是第一个能给他拍照片的人
You're the first person who's ever taken his photo.
是啊 我是说 他已经在家里宅了三个月了
Yeah, no. I mean, he's been in the house for like three months.
-我知道你想多拍点 但他很敏感 -嘿 JT
- I know, but he's delicate... - Hey, JT.
我们能再多拍几张吗
What do you say we do a couple more, huh?
嗯
Well...
JT 你
JT, you...
不 我得拒绝你了 布鲁斯
Yeah. No, I think we're done, Bruce.
谢谢你的理解
Thank you for understanding.
但我敢打赌你一定拍的不错 对吧
But I bet you've got a great shot, right?
谢谢你 JT 谢谢你的合作
Thank you, JT, for your time. It was a real pleasure.
你表现的很好
You did great.
-斯派蒂 -好啦
- Speedie. - Alright.
-谢谢你 布鲁斯 -是我该说谢谢
- Thank you, Bruce. - Thank you.
我相信你的能力
Yeah, I'm sure it will be great.
我们应该不久就能看见成品了吧
And, um, we'll see the shots soon.
-可以 -那你慢走
- Great. Okay. - Alright then.
-你演的太像了 -真是尴尬到爆
- You were looking great. - Disaster vibes.
-真的很棒 -我很抱歉
- You were great. - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
抱歉什么 你在说啥
Sorry? What are you talking about?
我不能用那种口音 他看得出我是个女孩
I can't do that accent. He could so see that I was a girl.
-我能看见他看着我 -并没有
- I could see him looking at me. - Not at all.
他完全没有怀疑 恰恰相反
He never suspected anything. It was the opposite.
他都想让你和他一起回家 你真棒
He wanted you to go home with him. Fuck, you were great.
我演的斯派蒂也不错 对吧
And playing Speedie was so cool, right?
就像不去管别人怎么看的感觉
Like not giving a fuck what anybody thinks of you.
他妈的想说啥就说啥 我爱她
You just say whatever the fuck's on your mind. I love her.
我问你话呢
What about when you answered every question for me?
这是很明显的
It was, like, so obvious.
不 这就是JT 他很紧张
No, that's so JT. He's nervous.
他不能为自己说话 那太完美了
He can't speak for himself. That was perfect.
哦 小萨 相信我
Oh, Sav, trust me.
我从我的电话性爱经验中了解到这一点
I learned about this from my phone sex days.
让自己成为另一个人
You establish yourself as someone else, right?
你能做到的 去掉口音
You can do that. Then drop the accent
然后就没人会发现了
and nobody even notices.
他是虚构的
And he's illusive.
他是神秘的 而人们喜欢神秘的东西
That's part of the mystery and people love mystery.
我走进来的时候我差点没吐
I almost puked when I walked in.
啊 这太JT了
Ugh, that's so JT.
这太完美了
That was what was so perfect.
他看起来想吐 紧张 尴尬
He looked nauseous and nervous and awkward.
周五晚上 我们有读书会
Oh, my God, on Friday night, we've got the reading
有很多牛逼的人
and, you know, there are all these fabulous people
会去那读他的书 因为他从没出现过
that will show up and read for him 'cause he's never there.
但如果你出现了 呼吸急促
What if you just showed up and just, like, hyperventilate,
像要吐了一样跑出去
run out like he's gonna throw up?
-不可能 -当然可能
- No way! Mm. - Yes way!
我不能 这太恶心了
I can't. It was sickening.
要的就是这种感觉 这太赞了
That's that feeling. That's what's so beautiful.
做某件重要的事情之前
It's that feeling we all get like right before
就知道这样做没错
we do something important.
那好吧 无所谓了
You know what? Don't worry about it.
我下次可以找别人
I can get somebody else next time.
我得走了 杰夫和我还要去乐队练习
I gotta go 'cause Geoff and I have band practice.
妈的 我要迟到了
Shit. I'm late.
就穿这个吧 小萨 给你
I'm just gonna go like this. Okay, Sav, here.
-哦 谢谢 我 -这是你应得的 亲爱的
- Oh, thanks. I... - As promised, love.
非常感谢
Thank you, ta very much!
-天哪 那太有趣了 -再见
- Oh, my God, that was so fun. - See you.
城市之光书店出版商
谢谢
Thank you.
JT实际上感觉不舒服
Uh, JT actually isn't feeling well
所以我很遗憾 他今天没能来参加
so I'm sorry to say he won't be joining us after all.
我就说这是个骗局 没错吧
I told you. This is some sort of hoax. Right?
-喂 -小萨
- Hello? - Sav.
你今晚能过来吗 有个好消息跟你说
Can you come over tonight? I have big news.
天哪 快进来
Oh, my God. Get in here.
你可能都不信
You're not gonna believe what I'm gonna tell you.
你准备好了吗
Are you ready?
一个好莱坞制片人
A Hollywood producer
想把 莎拉 拍成电影
wants to make "Sarah" into a movie.
什么 不可能 你开玩笑吧
What? No way. Are you serious?
你能想象 莎拉 出现在大屏幕下吗
Can you imagine? "Sarah" on the big screen?
是的 是的 那的确是件大事
I... Yeah, yeah. That would be epic.
JT可以像真人一样说话和做事了
JT can do his thing and say, you know,
他会说 嘿 我是一个想要自主权受到尊重的人
"Hey, I'm an agoraphobe who just wants his autonomy respected."
但 他不能这样说
But... I don't think so.
我认为这是一个天大的机会
I think this is too big an opportunity.
我的意思是 你打算今晚叫上我吗
I mean, you... us tonight?
不 小傻瓜 这个周末
No, no, silly. This weekend.
在洛杉矶
In LA.
我们会呆在她家里
We'd stay at her house.
有一个聚会 关于阅读和摄影
There's a party, a reading, a photoshoot.
去吧 会很有趣的
Come on, it will be fun.
不 因为 我 我这周末要上班
No, just 'cause I... I'm working this weekend.
我必须要去
That's... that's the only thing.
小可爱
Sweet girl.
我知道上次的拍照让你很不舒服
I know the photoshoot was intense.
确实有点过了
Right? It was a... it was a lot.
但是 小萨 你身体里有一束光
But, Sav, there was a light in you.
我能感觉到那就是JT
And I... I felt him
他的灵魂从我这钻到了你那
leave my body and enter yours.
我是说 当他的灵魂出现的时候
I mean, I was in high school
我还在上高中
when, I don't know, he's turning tricks.
我真的想成为他吗
Am I interesting enough to, like, be him?
什么 你当然想啦
What? You are interesting!
我说真的 小萨 你真的很赞
Are you kidding me? Sav, you're incredible.
我不是讨厌我自己 这是这太不一样了
I don't, like, hate myself. I just... that's so different.
我认为你应该换个角度思考
I think you gotta think about this differently.
安迪 沃霍尔 美国艺术家 电影摄影师
比如说沃霍尔
I mean, we're talking Warhol,
齐格 星尘即大卫 鲍伊 英国摇滚乐手 格蕾丝 琼斯 超模
齐格 星尘 格蕾丝 琼斯
Ziggy Stardust, Grace Jones.
如果你某天早上醒来
What if you wake up one morning
说我想成为另一个人
and say I wanna be somebody else?
他们就行动了 而不是等着机会降临
That's what they did. They didn't wait for permission.
嗯 没错 我明白那种感觉
Well, yeah, I... I know that feeling.
我知道我想成为一名艺术家
I knew I wanted to be an artist, right?
因为我想要自己的生活
'Cause I was like, "I wanna have a life!
我不想待在个破隔间里朝九晚五
I don't wanna live in a fuckin' cubicle 9:00 to fucking 5:00.
这不是我想要的
That's not who I am."
吃饭 睡觉 约约炮
Fine. Fine. Spend my life. "Hello, hi. Wanna fuck?"
后半辈子都在搞电话性爱吗 不
Doing phone sex for the rest of my life? No.
我是个作家
I'm a writer.
难道我从20岁等到30岁
I spent my 20s and 30s waiting for somebody
希望有人能发掘我赏识我吗
to discover me, somebody to give me permission?
天上不会掉馅饼 你得自己去争取
Nobody gives you anything. You have to take it.
你想去争取吗
Are you gonna take it?
这些都取决于你自己 好好想想
You've got all these selves inside of you. Explore them.
这是你的机会 让他们看看你的本事
This is your time. Find out who the fuck you are.
-妈的 -薯片吃完了吗
- Oh, shit. - Are we out of chips?
天啊 我们吃了三包薯片
Oh, God, we ate three bags of chips?
我都要成油腻的薯片了
I'm gonna be sweating potato chips.
别怕 已经没东西吃了
Don't worry. no food tomorrow,
但我们还需要些又甜又咸的东西
but we need the sweet with the salty.
-我没了 -这里还藏着有
- I don't. - Secret stash.
-巧克力 -你吃吧
- Chocolate. - I'm okay.
-你不吃吗 -不吃
- You don't want? - Unh-unh.
跟我说说那男孩
Hey, tell me about this boy.
肖恩吗 怎么了
Sean? What about him?
你男朋友吗
Well... you date men?
呃 算是吧
Uh, sometimes.
我喜欢像他这么帅的 但我比较看的开
If they're as cute as he is, I do. But I'm open.
我更喜欢女孩
I like girls, obviously.
我不太想去女同夜店了
I can't go to any more Dyke nights.
感觉很不自在
It makes me so uncomfortable.
太尴尬了
It's so embarrassing.
糟糕的音乐 以及
The music's so awful and...
杰夫有没有告诉过你我们一次见面时
Did Geoff ever tell you I pretended to be a dyke
我假装自己是女同吗
when we first met?
没说 为什么
No. Why?
因为他太帅了
'Cause he was so good-looking.
我想知道他是否喜欢我
Well, I wanted to know if he liked me for me.
噢
Aww.
试探一下免得变成被迷得团团转的胖女孩
Test the waters and not be the fat girl swooning.
嘿
Hey.
我那时100磅
I was 100 pounds
比现在胖
fatter than I am now.
我不觉得啊
Oh, I didn't realize that.
幸好我不在意别人怎么骂我
Good thing I'm not terrified of the knife.
但我之前有过女朋友
But I've been with women before.
特别是在福利院的时候
Especially in the group home.
说说看
How was that?
做爱那感觉很奇妙
Sex was amazing.
我是问福利院
No, I mean, the group home.
很艰苦
Oh. Rough.
但它也把我锻炼的皮糙肉厚去面对生活
But it gave me the tough skin I live in.
我常常晚上偷偷溜出去
You know, I used to sneak out at night
打电话给自杀热线寻求帮助
and call suicide hotlines for help,
我永远也不能做自己
and I could never... be me.
我创作的角色一般都是男孩
I'd create characters, usually boys.
他们中大都没有成功 但是JT
Some of them didn't make it, but JT...
JT一直都在
JT kept calling.
他不必被囚禁于我的身体里 这太好了
And it felt so good to not have to be in this body.
千万别变成我这样
You know, to be as far away from it as possible.
我知道了
I get that.
洛杉矶
JT 我的天哪
JT. Oh, my God.
JT
JT.
天哪 太好了 终于见到你了
Oh, my God. It's so good to finally meet you.
-这太神奇了 -对吧
- This is amazing. - Right?
JT 继续写书
JT, keep writing them books.
也许你能买得起这样的房子
Maybe you'll get a house like this.
JT 真正的钱源于剧本创作
Oh, no, JT, the real money's in screenwriting.
你应该给我写一个部分 一个很酷的部分
You should write me a part. A cool part.
-我可以演一个地块蜥蜴 -哦
- I could play a lot lizard. - Oh.
你已经有了一个男演员
You already got an actor.
客房在这边
The guest bedroom's this way.
这里是 客房吗
Don't think we've been in... a guest room.
太神奇了 天哪 真是个豪宅
It's amazing. Oh, my God. What a house.
谢谢
Thank you.
JT给你带来了点小东西
Oh, and JT brought you a little prezzie.
噢
Aww.
不是从尼曼百货买的
Not really from Neiman Marcus.
我从邻居的垃圾袋里找到的
I stole that bag out of my neighbor's recycling, but...
小洋葱
Oh, little mini onions.
多可爱啊
How cute.
还有烤豆
And baked beans.
天哪 我正好需要一个
Oh, God. I need one of these.
这些都还能用 对吧
Those are great, right?
我很喜欢 嗯 你很擅长这个
I love that, um, and you're quite good at that.
我只能说 你很熟练嘛
That's all I'm gonna say.
还有JT写的所有的歌词
Oh, and JT wrote all the lyrics
都是帮 扭曲和尖叫 写的 我们的乐队
to our band's songs, Twist & Scream.
也许你会喜欢
Thought you'd love it.
哦 太酷了
Oh, that's so cool.
JT 你收到我寄给你的那本书了吗
JT, did you get that book I sent you?
是的 我们很喜欢它
Yeah, we loved it.
是啊 是的 真的太好了
Yeah, yeah. It's real good.
JT 你怎么穿成这个样子
JT, what are you wearing?
什么 发生了什么
What... what is going on?
那些钱都去哪了
What's happening to all the money?
目前这些钱也没有多少
It's not much money though yet.
你为什么一直替他回答问题
Why do you keep answering for him?
他是个聋哑人
He's a deaf mute.
这是因为他讨厌谈论金钱
That's the way it feels because he hates talkin' about money,
讨厌谈生意
hates business talk.
你懂的 就像艺术
You know, it's like art, art, art.
保持它的纯粹性
Keep it pure.
我是说 我们是两个孤儿 他妈的 互相找到了彼此
I mean, we're two orphans, fuck, who found each other.
我也不知道这些 所以你是对的
I don't know these things either, so you're right.
这是很好的建议 你知道的 我们需要一个指导
That's great advice. We need a guide, you know.
我会 我会去找个人来
I'll... I'll get someone.
好吧 就这样吧 雾都孤儿
Okay, alright, Oliver Twist.
过来吧
Come on.
-你好 大卫 -哦 我的天
- Hi, David. - Oh, my God.
JT 听听这个 他们试图模仿那些明星
JT, listen to this trying to emulate the icons.
所以我必须以JT的身份和所有JT的朋友交谈
If I have to talk to all of JT's friends as JT...
我们互相合作 天衣无缝
We work off each other. You're perfect.
一定要相信自己
Totally trust yourself.
JT 你没事吧
JT, you okay?
JT是个天才 而小萨也是个天才
JT's a genius and Sav's a genius.
别忘了这一点
Don't you ever forget that.
这个培根包蜜枣太好吃了
The bacon-wrapped dates are amazing.
哦 我们不吃猪肉
Oh, we don't eat pork.
哦 对 我只是想有点礼貌 不好意思
Oh, yeah, I was just being polite, but, yeah.
如果你不理解那些什么意思 就硬着头皮跟下去
If you don't understand a reference, just go with it.
像我做的一样 假装自己是故意的而不是一个错误
Do what I do. Hang a lantern on it.
什么鬼 那是什么
What is... what is that?
你戴墨镜真有趣 JT
You're so funny with the sunglasses, JT.
你曾经把它取下来过吗
Do you ever take them off?
如果错的很明显 那就让它更明显
If it's obvious, make it more obvious.
让他们看看这位美女
Let 'em see these beauties.
你的眼睛真漂亮
Your eyes are so beautiful.
就像那些中国指铐
It's like those Chinese finger puzzles.
你得先投入进去 才能找到办法解围
You go in further to get out.
宝贝 我们在上帝的田野里玩耍
Baby, we're at play in the fields of the Lord.
看 这是伊娃 艾夫琳
Look, there's Eva Avelin.
她很想制作 莎拉 的电影
She's dying to do "Sarah."
自导自演
To direct and star in it.
JT 嗨 约翰 布拉德韦尔
JT? Hi, uh, John Bradwell.
我们喜欢你为JT上做的那件事
We loved the piece you did on JT!
-深思熟虑 明察暗访 -哇
- Thoughtful, investigative. - Wow.
真的是一件很棒的作品 你做了那件事真是太棒了
Really a great piece. It's so great that you did that.
呃 我还住在旧金山
Um, I'm still living in San Francisco,
所以如果你想要见面 继续上次的聊天
so if you wanted to meet up and continue that conversation...
是的 当然 我要走了 去拿点东西
Yeah, definitely. I'm just gonna go. Just grab...
哦 好吧
Right. Okay.
JT
JT.
哦 伊娃 嘿
Oh, Eva. Hey.
终于来了
Enfin.
你终于来了
You are here at last.
嗯 对 我来了
Um, I'm here. Pretty sure.
那个蜗牛的故事进展的如何？
How's the snail story coming along?
-挺好 -不好意思
- Good. - Excuse me one second.
那个蜗牛还长着一副野兽的脸吗？
Does the snail still have a visage brute?
-呃 -野兽的脸
- Um... - Visage brute.
对不起 我是斯派蒂
Sorry, I'm Speedie.
JT刚告诉我这个
JT was just tellin' me about that,
难看的脸还是什么的 我很喜欢
uh, ugly face or somethin'. I love it!
-等我们一下？ -像标题那么短
- Just give us a minute? - Like a title.
没问题
Oh. Sure.
你要住这？
You staying here?
我就住那个房间里
Um, mm-hmm. I'm just in that room there.
好吧 很好
Okay, cool.
只是有点担心你住在酒店
Just kind of worried about you staying at some hotel,
到处乱跑 惹上麻烦
running off and getting into trouble.
我已经不会遇到那种麻烦了
I don't really get in that kind of trouble anymore.
你脸上就写了麻烦两个字
Mm-hmm. You have trouble written all over you.
哦 天哪 你真他妈的可爱
Oh, my God. You're so fucking cute.
为什么这么害羞？注意集中
Why are you so shy? Soak up the attention.
大家在这都是因为你
Everybody's here for you.
是啊 太疯狂了
Yeah, it's crazy.
好吧 在酒吧找我
Alright. Find me at the bar?
-好的 -好的
- Okay. - Okay.
哦 嘿 伊娃 你明天要去读书吗？
Oh, hey, Eva, is... are you gonna be at the reading tomorrow?
宝贝 你在说什么啊？我也是读者之一啊
Baby, what are you talking about? I'm one of the readers.
哦 是的
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
嗯 我是 我在想
Well, I was... I was thinkin'...
妈的
Fuck.
骚起来
Shake it out.
看看这个
Look at that!
JT 很抱歉打扰到你
JT? So sorry to bother you.
我
I, um...
我只是想告诉你
I just wanted to tell you
你的作品对我来说有多么重要
how much your work means to me.
有段时间我也曾流浪街头
I was on the streets for a while too.
当我读你的书时 我就感觉有人真的懂我
When I read your book, I was like, "Someone gets me."
你的想法对我很重要
Your voice means a lot.
谢谢
Thank you.
你看到了吗？嗯？
Do you see that? Huh?
你的作品 你在帮助别人 这很好
Your work, you're helping people. It's beautiful.
谢谢
Thank you.
看起来不错
It looks nice.
来巴黎 好吗？
Come to Paris. Okay?
JT？
JT?
JT
JT!
再见
Au revoir.
我有生以来第一次感到了存在感
I feel alive for the first time in my life.
小萨 你不会相信的
Sav, you're never gonna believe this.
JT的法文出版商要我们飞去巴黎
JT's French publishers are flying us to Paris
参加新闻发布会
for a press conference.
我的天哪
Holy fucking shit.
你不是在逗我吧
Get the fuck out of here.
我不敢相信这都是真的
I can't believe this is happening.
而且伊娃在那之后还要开派对
And Eva's throwing the after party!
好吧 我也差不多该走了
Okay, I kind of gotta go.
我会和你联系的 明天再打电话
I'll talk to you... I'll call you tomorrow.
好的 再见
Okay, bye.
-你给我们做头巾啊？-是的
- You making us a headband? - Yeah.
-挺可爱的 -谢谢
- Cute. - Thanks.
那个我得去一趟巴黎
So I have to go to Paris
大概两周后
in, like, two weeks.
-操 -是啊
- Shit! - Yeah.
为了个啥
Wow. That's... What... what for?
劳拉在那有些工作 所以我会帮帮她
Um, Laura has some work there, so, like, I'll assist her.
她需要些帮助
She needs some help.
-那太酷了 -是啊
- That's so cool. - Yeah.
-你以前去过吗？ -嗯
- Have you ever been? - Mnh-mnh.
-没有？ -是啊 你呢？
- No? - Mnh-mnh. Have you?
去个屁 我倒想
Pfft! I wish.
我怎么就没被邀请呢？
Well, where's my invite?
如果你能放进我的背包 你可以去
If you're gonna fit in my backpack, you can come.
哦 我可是能缩很小的
Oh, I can fit in very small places.
我会想你的
I'll miss you.
我也会想你的
Yeah, I'll miss you too.
伊娃
Eva.
你还没脱下来？真的？
You haven't taken it off? Really?
我喜欢这个
I love that.
你知道我停不下来
You know I can't stop.
我的手缠绕在你的肩上
You got my bone around your neck.
但你开始了
But you started it.
我等不及要再见到你
I can't wait to see you again too.
好吧 好吧 马上给我回电话
Oh, okay. Alright. Call me right back.
他们寄了足够的钱买头等舱的票
They sent enough money for first-class tickets.
我在想 我们可以去坐教大巴 然后把剩下的钱放进自己口袋
I mean, we'll go coach and pocket the rest,
但我想再多买一张阿斯特的票
but I tried to get another ticket for Astor
他们就是不肯让步
and they just won't budge.
所以我们如果只买一张
So I figured we'll just buy one if...
等等 为什么要去欧洲？
Yeah, w... w... why would I wanna go to Europe?
下周我们有一个录音任务
We have a recording session next week.
是的 我们下周有一个录音任务
Yeah, we have a recording session next week.
我知道 宝贝 我想我们可以推迟一下
I know, babe. I figured we'd move it
这样也会给你更多的时间
and it'd give you a little more time
去练习音乐 精进一下
to work on the music, refine things.
我的意思是 我们这样只会干扰媒体
I mean, we're gonna be just jamming through that press.
那会是一场噩梦 我知道
It will be a nightmare and I know
你讨厌这些世俗的东西 所以
you hate that whole world, anyways, so...
你知道的 我并不想只是
Yeah, you know, I don't exactly wanna be the caboose
JT列车上的守车 但是
on the JT train, but...
劳拉 我们 你知道 我们就像个乐队
Laura, we... we're in a band, you know.
我们是个集体 一支乐队 一条纽带
Like, that's our pack. It... it's a band, it's a bond.
嘿 我们总是说什么？
Hey, what do we always say?
无论如何
By any means...
都是为了这个乐队
Necessary. Yeah, for the band.
为了音乐
For the music.
是为了音乐
It is for the music.
这个跟音乐有什么关系？
How... how is this for the music?
宝贝 JT会把这支乐队的糟粕都弄出去的
Babe, JT's gonna plug the shit out of this band.
你在开玩笑吗？这是一个全球性的出版巨头
Are you kidding? It's massive worldwide press.
这让我们在斯宾杂志中得到一个评论的目标更近一步
And I'm, like, this close to us getting a review in "Spin."
我是说 麦当娜给我们寄了卡巴拉的书
I mean, Madonna sent us Kabbalah books.
麦当娜在我们的世界里
Madonna is in our world!
这太好了 劳拉 不 非常好
Yeah, that's great, Laura. No, really great.
你活在哪个世界？
Yeah, what world are you in?
嘿 伊娃
Hey, Eva.
好吧
Yeah.
我必须要有创造性的控制
Yeah, I gotta have creative control.
这就是我的生活
It's my life.
我是唯一知道
I'm the only one who knows...
听着 我明白了 你想去欧洲
Look, I get it. You wanna go to Europe, you know.
这 很好
It's... it's cool.
当然
Of course.
我是说 唯一的问题是你不会觉得
I mean, the only thing is you don't think
我们正在做的事完全是瞎扯的 对吧
what we're doing is totally fucked, right?
不 不 我不是这个意思 好吧？
No, no. I mean... No, right?
我是说 从技术上讲 我想这是在撒谎
I mean, I guess technically it's lying.
就像 纸面上 我们对人撒谎
Like, on paper, we're... lying to people,
但是我 感觉就像
but I f... feel like...
感觉好像我在做些什么
It feels like I'm making something.
感觉就像演戏
Like, it feels like a performance
而且 我内心推动我继续做下去
and, like, I'm so compelled to do it.
我喜欢那种感觉
I... I love that feeling.
我一直想要那种感觉
I've wanted that feeling forever,
我也不知道前面等着我的是什么 你懂的
and I never knew really what was gonna give me that, you know.
你有这种感觉 你弹吉他 从12岁就开始弹了
You have it. You play guitar. You've played since you were 12.
你弹吉他的时候 你脸上写的就是那种感觉
I see your face when you do it. Like... It's that feeling.
我想我确实很好的伪装成了
Guess I'm really good at pretending to be
一个19岁的街头小瘪三
a feral 19-year-old street kid.
这并不奇怪 对吧？
That's not weird, right?
不
No.
哦 伙计
Oh, man.
旅行一切顺利吧
How was your flight? Alright?
JT饿了
JT's hungry.
你们没有享受头等舱的待遇吗
You did not indulge in the first-class fair?
布格整个航班都在睡觉 好像只吃些鸡蛋
Bugger slept the whole flight. Maybe some eggs.
我们时间不多了
Um, we don't have much time.
他喜欢鸡蛋 所以如果我们能早些知道
He loves eggs, so if we can grab...
没关系 走吧 第一次来巴黎
It's okay, go. First time in Paris?
帮我拿我的 去你妈的法国人
Fucking take my... Fuckin' French.
巴黎
相当大的树 不是吗
Quite mature trees, aren't they?
在美国你从来见不到
You never see that in America.
太美了
It's gorgeous.
欧洲 我很喜欢 你知道 这太棒了
Europe, I love it. You know, it's fantastic.
我要吐了
I'm gonna barf.
我真不敢相信他们不肯为了鸡蛋停下来
I can't believe they wouldn't stop for eggs.
我不能靠吃零食活着
I can't live off snacks.
你需要做我的拥护人 替我发声
You need to be my advocate and speak up.
-我们永远不会吃 -对不起
- We'll never eat. - Sorry.
你也得把这件夹克脱掉
You'll have to take the jacket off too.
我们得看见整个乐队的名字
We gotta see the whole band name.
我的意思是 你能看到 你能看到
I mean, you can see it. You can see it.
不 不 这是营销 这对杰夫有好处
No, no, it's promotion. It's good for Geoff.
-JT -脱
- JT! - Take...
嗨
Ah!
你好
Hello.
-你好 -嘿
- Hi. - Hey.
-嘿 斯派蒂 -伊娃
- Hey, Speedie. - Eva.
你看起来依然漂亮
You look gorgeous as usual.
你好吗 怎么了 你紧张吗
How are you? What's up? You nervous?
-是啊 当然 -别紧张
- Yeah, of course. - Don't be.
你看起来棒极了 我喜欢你的夹克
You look great. I love your jacket.
嘿 你他妈的会很棒的
Hey. You'll be fuckin' great.
我真为你骄傲 宝贝
I'm so proud of you, baby.
我有东西给你
I have something for you.
好的 我们应该
Alright. Um, should we...
你知道吗 我想我最好跟你一起去
You know what, I think it's best I come with you.
这样我们就可以检查场地
So that we can check the venue and...
那个你给了我你的护身符
So you gave me your talisman.
我要给你我的
I'm gonna give you mine.
是我祖父的
Belonged to my grandfather.
啊
Ah.
这太不可思议了
Well... it's incredible.
但我不能接受它 你知道的
But I shouldn't accept that, you know.
不 你可以
Yes, you should.
我们得走了
We have to go.
JT
JT!
嗨
Hi.
你妈妈让你经历了一些可怕的处境
Your mother put you through some awful situations.
她对你揭露她的行为有何看法
How does she feel about your expose of her behavior?
嗯
Um...
她 她不再
Sh... she's not, um...
和我们一起了
with us anymore.
所以 我真的不知道
S... so, um, I don't really know.
我们听不见你的声音 JT
We cannot hear you, JT!
你听不见我 呃
Ah, you can't hear me, um...
我
I...
我只是说
I was just sayin' that, um...
我的 我妈妈不在了
my... my mom isn't here anymore,
而且 这些书都是虚构的 所以
and... also the books are fiction, so, yeah.
JT
JT?
你在你的网站上写了
You wrote on your website
写作是你的 你的救星
that writing is your... your lifesaver.
这很痛苦 但是我需要它
I... it's painful, um, but I need it.
你的朋友们是怎么想的
What did your friends think?
虚构中的真相
The truth in fiction...
JT 为什么你不愿公开露面
JT, why do you tend to avoid public events?
这只是 呃 保护措施 我想
Just, um, protection, I think and...
说说你对衣服的搭配
Speak to your choice of wearing
一种所谓的伪装
a quote-unquote disguise.
匿名就像是失去了你的童贞
Anonymity's kind of like losing your virginity.
但它们是基于你的真实经历 对吗 JT
But they are based on your real experiences, right, JT?
小说是一种谎言
Fiction's sort of a lie
但可能比真实更真实
but can be more true than the truth.
JT 你听起来像个女人
JT, you sound like a woman to me,
但你坚持认为你是个男人
but you insist you are a man.
呃
Uh...
你知道 帮助你适应我带给你的感觉
You know, it's not really my responsibility
帮助你度过自己的不适
to help lead you through your own discomfort
不是我的责任
on how I make you feel. Um...
我做我自己
I can be whomever I wanna be.
他妈的 耶
Fuck, yeah!
嗯 至于你说我声音像女人
Um, and as for sounding like a woman,
好吧 我想说谢谢你
um, well, I'd say thank you.
但是 JT 你真的是你说的那个人吗
But, JT, are you really who you say you are?
你真的是你说的那个人吗
Are you really who you say you are?
我
I...
我真的说不出来 你是个男人吗
I can't really tell. Are you a man?
现在就证明你的男子汉气概
Prove your masculinity right now!
把你的小鸟亮出来
Pull your cock out!
好吧 嗯 结束了
Alright. Uh, it's done.
结束了
It's done.
结束了
It's done.
你知道我的意思吗 这就是关键
You know what I mean? That's the key.
在美国 情况有所不同
In America, it's different.
在美国
In America...
超级酷
Super cool.
JT
JT?
这个年轻人很想让你在他的书上签个名
This young man would love for you to sign his book.
你好 JT
Bonjour, JT.
伊娃 伊娃
Eva? Eva...
伊娃
Eva.
呃 我现在要带着JT回酒店
Uh, I need to take JT back to the hotel now.
-我们需要一顿正餐 -胡说
- We need a proper meal. - Nonsense.
不 他喝得太多了
Nah, he's drinking too much.
我受不了这么多烟味
And I can't stand all this smoke.
斯派蒂 行了
Speedie, come on.
别再总干涉他的生活了
Stop interfering with his life all the time.
实际上 她在干扰我的生活
She's interfering with my life, actually.
请原谅我
Excuse me.
JT 我们回酒店吧
JT, let's go back to the hotel.
我还没想要走
I'm not ready to go yet.
这个地方充满了毒性 我们走吧
Well, this place is filled with toxicity. Let's go.
我在上帝的田野里玩耍 记得吗
I play in the fields of the Lord, remember?
记住我的话
My words!
回头见 斯派蒂
See you later, Speedie!
埃尼奥
Ennio!
这个样子很完美
This look is perfect.
这是我们最喜欢的歌
It's our favorite song.
哦 对了
Oh, right.
对不起
Sorry.
怎么了 JT 你在哪
What's up, JT? Where are you?
我
I'm...
我就在这里
I'm totally right here.
我只是
I'm just...
只是累了 你知道的
just tired, you know.
嗨
Hi.
嗨
Hi.
你的感觉和电话里有很大不同
You have a very different vibe than on the phone.
是的 我
Yeah, I'm...
我在倒时差
I'm so jetlagged.
你和斯派蒂怎么了
What's the deal with you and Speedie? Huh?
我的意思是 你们几乎不给对方喘息的空间
I mean, you barely give each other room to breathe.
她太讨厌了
She's so obnoxious.
我知道她是你的朋友 对不起 但
I know she's your friend. I'm sorry, but...
我知道在外人看起来很奇怪 但
I know it seems weird from the outside, but, um...
我的意思是 如果没有她我甚至不存在
I mean, I wouldn't even exist without her.
什么
What?
我不是真的想去那里 但是
I don't really wanna go there, but...
那是唯一可以制作这部片子的地方
where are we with the option for the film?
嗯
Um...
我只是 你知道的 我很荣幸能导这个片子
I just, you know, I'd be so fuckin' honored to direct it
并扮演你的母亲
and play your mother.
你知道 她是一个很有个性的人
She's, you know, she's such a character
她沉迷于自己的堕落
obsessed with her own downfall.
我 你知道吗 我一直都
I... you know, I've always just related
和那种女人有关 你知道
to that kind of woman, you know.
我真的认为展示
And I really think it's important to show
怎样 你是怎样忍受她的痛苦的是很重要的 你知道的
how... how you absorbed her pain, you know.
我需要更公正地做
I wanna do it justice.
我可能需要 像是一个 被完全控制的剧本
I probably need, like, full control of the script.
你知道 因为这是我的生活 但
You know, 'cause it's my life, but...
可以
Deal.
你真漂亮
You're so beautiful.
哦 宝贝
Oh, baby.
-嘿 -哦
- Hey. - Oh.
这是著名的JT
It's the famous JT.
那么 JT 莱罗伊 告诉我
So, JT Leroy, tell me.
你怎么有时间写
How do you have time to write
你的畅销书
your amazing bestselling books, huh?
因为你似乎整夜都在外面狂欢
Because it seems like you just stay out all night partying!
对不起 对不起 我知道
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know.
你在做什么
What were you doing?
我认为那时候走还太早了
I thought it was earlier.
你不能在没有我的情况下在外面这么久
You can't go out so long without me
而且你还喝酒
and you're drinking.
谁知道你说了什么
Who knows what you said?
整件事可能会穿帮
The whole thing could have fallen apart.
我在你的剧本上
I secured full creative control
安全地创造性地把控了局面 就是这样
over the script, so there's that.
-什么 -是的
- What? - Yeah.
好吧 我并没有要求你那样做
Well, I didn't ask you to do that.
但我
But I...
我的意思是 这是个好消息
I mean, that's good news.
她说什么
W... what'd she say?
我的意思是 怎么样 我需要知道一切
I mean, how did that go? I need to know everything.
我得马上接电话
I gotta get on the phone right away
确保她说了她的意思并且
and make sure she said what she meant and...
我很想知道你在电话里说了些什么
I would love to know what you talk about on the phone.
如果我知道你在电话里说了什么
If I knew what you talked about on the phone,
也许我在她周围听起来不像一个结结巴巴的白痴
maybe I wouldn't sound like a stammering idiot around her.
我需要和她讨论不仅仅在电话记录上的那点东西
I need more to talk about than stuff I read in interviews.
我想让她感觉到
I want her to feel...
我 就像
me. Like...
我的天哪
Oh, my God.
你操了她吗
Did you fuck her?
也就是中国中国指铐 对吧
It's Chinese finger puzzle, right?
你得先投入进去 才能解脱出来
You go further in to get out?
妈的
The fuck.
小萨 该死
Savy! Goddammit!
老实说 没有你想的那么糟
It's not as bad as you think, honestly.
-这根本不是 甚至不像 -小萨
- It's not even like that... - Savy!
你他妈在逗我吗
Are you fucking kidding me?
宝贝 她想要的不是你
Baby girl, she doesn't want you.
懂吗 她想要和她通话的那个人
Okay? She wants the person she talked to on the phone.
她想要JT
She wants JT.
事实上 她甚至都不想要这个
In fact, she doesn't even want that!
她想要这个该死的电影的版权
She wants the fucking rights to the movie!
我有点刻薄了
Oh, I'm being mean.
我只是讨厌我自己 整晚都放纵你在外面
I just hate myself. I binged all night.
我很担心
I was worried.
我需要你在这里让我跟上进度
I need you here to keep me on track.
我只是 哦 天哪
I just... oh, God.
该死
Goddammit!
你不觉得这很荒谬吗
Don't you think this is ridiculous?
你应该以你自己写作
You should write as you.
小萨 得了吧
Savy... come on.
你不懂
You're out of it.
没有人听我的
Nobody listens to me as me.
他们听你说话是因为你是JT
They listen to you as JT.
但是 JT并不存在 你知道的
But the... JT doesn't exist, you know.
他不是真的
He's not real.
我的意思是 他对某些人来说是超级真实的 你懂的
I mean, he's super real for some people, you know.
就像是 个人的
Like... personal.
-我看到了 -这对他们是真实的吗
- I see it. - Is it real for them?
然后我离开了
And I got left.
被骗了
I got tricked...
然后为成年人提供精神家园
and put in a mental home for grownups.
被虐待
Abused.
被我妈妈耗尽
Used up by... my mom.
我就是那个孩子 这是真的
I was that kid... and it is real.
我没说不是
I didn't say it wasn't.
-那不是我说的 -你太卑鄙了
- That's not what I'm saying. - You're so mean.
你太有控制欲了
You are so manipulative.
你不必那样对我
You don't have to do that with me.
我是最后一个和你有关系的人
I'm the last person you have to do that with.
我们在巴黎
We're in Paris...
因为我
because of me...
因为我的写作
because of my writing...
因为我的天赋
because of my genius.
我很高兴你知道如何把一套戏服穿在一起
I'm glad you know how to put an outfit together...
但你要做的只是现身
but all you do is show up.
我 我不住在他身上 他也不住在我身上
Oh, I... I don't inhabit him, he doesn't inhabit me,
他不会跳出你的身体跳进我的身体
he doesn't leap out of your body into mine?
我们不是在一起做什么
We're not making something together?
你对我说的这些废话
All this bullshit that you say to me
让我做这些疯狂的事
to get me to do this crazy shit!
不 不 不 如果我要做的只是现身
No, no, no, if all I do is show up,
老实说 我为什么不他妈的继续走我的路 不再现身
honestly, why don't I fucking go ahead and stop showing up?
那你就别再当戏剧女王了
Stop being a drama queen!
我在一个无尽的
I feel lost in a limitless hall
充满需求和渴望的大厅里迷路了
of desire and longing.
我在想什么
What was I thinkin'?
嘿 我得告诉你一件事
Hey. I have to tell you something.
-什么 -是啊
- What? - Yeah.
-小萨 -啊
- Sav. - Ah.
我看过JT的照片
I've seen pictures of JT.
-我打赌 -是的 我读了 莎拉
- I bet. - Yeah, and I read "Sarah."
-我知道 -我从来没有把这些点联系起来
- I know. - I never connected the dots.
我注意到了
I noticed that.
哇 好吧 等等
Wow, um, okay, so wait.
当你 当你和别人当面交谈时
When you, when you talk to people in person,
他们 他们没有注意到这不是劳拉的声音
they... they don't notice that it's not Laura's voice?
他们都认为你是个男孩
And they all think that you're a boy.
就像 皇帝的新衣 你知道的
It's like "The Emperor's New Clothes" kind of deal, you know.
每次有人质疑它 劳拉就把问题丢回就在他们自身
Every time someone questions it, Laura just throws it
你说的是什么意思
right back on them and is like, what do you mean
皇帝没有衣服吗 那是他最好的衣服
the Emperor has no clothes? That's his very best outfit.
我的意思是
I mean...
我 我想告诉你
I... I wanted to tell you.
我只是觉得我真的很珍惜它的秘密
I just think I really valued the secret of it
而且 想要保护她
and... wanted to protect her.
我他妈想死如果我
I would just fucking die if I, like...
毁了她那个 并且
ruined that for her and...
是的
Yeah.
这简直是我听过的最疯狂的事
This is literally the craziest thing I've ever heard.
我真的不确定我是否应该问更多的问题
I'm really not sure if I should, like, ask more questions
或者 我不知道 跑掉
or, I don't know, run away.
-离开这里 -是的
- Run out of here? - Yeah.
我很可怕吗
Am I terrible?
-我的意思是 -反正一切也结束了
- I mean... - Also, it's over.
我不会 我不会再这样了
I'm not... I'm not gonna do it anymore.
这就是为什么
Which is why it was, like, a lot easier
告诉你实话容易多了
to tell you this, to be honest.
你不会再做了吗
You're not gonna do it anymore?
不会了
No.
来做我的那个
Come and be my one?
不 这不是我不想要的
No, it's not that I don't want to.
我只是 我觉得如果我离开家
I've just been... I feel like if I leave the house,
我要变回老习惯了
I'm gonna fall into old habits.
不 我知道
No, I know.
丹尼斯 我知道你知道
Dennis, I know you know,
但是 我 我感觉卡住了
but... I... I feel stuck.
不 我真的很想去 杰森
No, I really wanna go, Jason.
我知道
I do.
我只是 嗯
I just, um...
为了我的健康
For my health,
我现在需要把注意力集中在我身上
I need to focus on me right now.
我知道这可能不是我应该重新体验的
I know it's probably not something I should relive,
但是 我的意思是
but... I mean,
这就像 他们在拍一部关于我生活的电影
it's like, they're makin' a movie on my life.
好吧 他们一直让我到片场去
Well, they keep asking me to come down to the set and...
是的
Yeah.
但我该如何拒绝呢
No, but how do I say no to that?
是的 伊娃和我
Yeah, Eva and I have been,
嗯 最近有电话性爱
um, having phone sex lately and...
欧文医生 我知道这并不健康 但是
Dr. Owen, I know it's not healthy, but...
心之所向无法抵抗 对吧
the heart wants what the heart wants, right?
-嘿 -嘿
- Hey. - Hey.
你好吗
How you doin'?
-那是小萨吗 -我还好
- Is that Sav? - I'm okay.
是啊 是小萨
Yeah, it's Sav!
哦 天哪 让她进来 就像圣诞节一样
Oh, my God. Get her in here. It's like Christmas.
看看这些JT免费得到的东西
Look at all this stuff that JT gets for free.
感谢上帝你来了 来 你们看看东西
Thank God you're here, you guys. Start taking stuff.
在这里 阿斯特 蝴蝶结
Here, Astor, bowties.
-看那些 -什么 不
- Look at those! - What? No.
你有没有告诉她阿斯特为电影做音乐的事
Did you tell her about Astor doing the music for the movie?
是啊 劳拉跟伊娃谈过
Yeah, well, Laura's been speaking to Eva about,
好吧 也许 你知道 做
well, maybe, right, you know, doing the...
整部电影的配乐 所以
the score for the whole movie, so...
当然 我在和她讨论 我们要完成它
Definitely. I'm talking to her. We're gonna push this through!
她怎么了
How is she doin'?
她很好 她真的很好
She's good. She's really good.
我是说 她 呃 我想 不知所措
I mean, she's, uh, I think, overwhelmed.
你知道 拍一部电影是很有意义的
You know, it's a lot making a movie.
她说她希望JT设计
She said she wants JT to design
她在电影里穿的一套衣服
an outfit for her to wear in the movie.
哦 天哪 这太美了
Oh, my God, this is beautiful.
你得试试这个
You gotta try this.
看看这个 哦
Look at that on... Oh, please.
安奇维诺一直在寄这些东西
Anzevino's been sending all this stuff.
-他把所有的布料都送来了 -真是太好了
- Like, he sent all this fabric. - It's really nice.
他想要支持JT做设计师
He wants to support JT the designer.
嘿 你觉得我能和她谈谈吗
Hey, do you think I could talk to her?
呃
Uh...
我刚收到一封电子邮件 你想看看吗
I just got an e-mail. You wanna see it?
我刚从她那里得到一封
I just got one from her.
我觉得你和她直接通话会有点困难
I just... I think talking to her would be hard
因为我们谈的太多了 可能会有点下流
'cause we're talking so much and it might get a little mucky,
但是 嗯 所以 杰奎琳
but, um... So, Jacqueline.
拜托 拜托 请到田纳西州来
"Please, please, please come to Tennessee.
宝贝 我想念你柔软的嘴唇
Baby boy, I miss your soft lips.
我梦见你的皮肤
I dream of your skin."
我喜欢这个
I love this.
我想把你的头发拉扯得像马鬃毛一样
"I wanna pull on your hair like a horse's mane."
她很喜欢你的费洛蒙 我喜欢这个
She is so into your pheromones. I love that.
我的意思是 你是以我的身份跟她说话 你知道的 像是
I mean, you're talking to her as me, you know. Like...
是的 我的意思是
Yeah. I mean...
我以JT身份跟她说话
I'm talking to her as JT.
我们有一件事 就像真的一样
We had, like, a thing. Like a real thing.
这不是胡说 不是
It wasn't bullshit, it wasn't...
我知道
I... I know that.
小萨 你和我一样是JT的一部分
Sav, you're as much a part of JT as me.
这是事实
That's the truth.
不是那些小年轻在巴黎跟你说的那些
Not some adolescent talking to you in Paris,
傻话
saying dumb shit...
因为她嫉妒
because she was jealous
感到被冷落和孤独
and felt left out and lonely.
我 我很抱歉
I'm s... I'm so sorry.
这很尴尬
It's embarrassing.
实际上 伊娃的事情
And the Eva thing actually
结果证明是很棒的
turned out to be great.
你为什么不愿意和她继续亲近亲近呢
Why shouldn't you wanna be intimate with her?
哦 天哪 你们有这种联系 所以
Oh, my God. And you guys have this connection, so...
这太疯狂了
This is crazy.
这整个田纳西州的事情
And this whole Tennessee thing.
我不知道该怎么做 我的意思是 这太棒了
I don't know what to do. I mean, it would be great
为了阿斯特的音乐事业 我
for Astor to go 'cause of the music, and I...
你知道 她真的想让我们去片场
You know, she really wants us to be on set
看看这段经历 但我 我不知道
and see the experience, but I... I don't know
如果你想再次成为JT
if you wanna be JT again.
这 这由你决定
That's... that's for you to decide.
田纳西州
这是更衣室
It's the wardrobe.
化妆间
Makeup.
好 好 好
Well, well, well!
嗨 小宝贝儿
Hi there, baby boy!
这不是JT为我做的一件小事吗
Ain't this a pretty little thing that JT made for me?
一切看起来都很好
Everything looks real good.
哦 谢谢你 小甜甜
Aw. Thank you, honey pie.
嘿 妈妈
Hey there, mama.
嘿 斯派蒂
Hey, Speedie.
这是你的音乐人
Oy. There's your music man.
-嘿 -哦 嘿 阿斯特
- Hey. - Oh, hey. Astor.
哦 天哪 我真高兴你来了
Oh, my God, I'm so glad you're here.
这简直是一场噩梦
It's been a fucking nightmare.
只是我和这些该死的白痴
It's just been me and these fucking idiots.
老实说 我得和每件事斗争
Honestly, I have to fight for everything.
你知道吗 斯派蒂
You know what, Speedie?
我有点理解 你和这个小流氓
I kind of understand, you know, what you're going through
在一起所经历的事
with this little rascal over here.
你知道的 和他保持亲密 养他
You know, keeping him close
让他不搞恶作剧
and fed and out of mischief.
我的意思是 这正是我在这该死的场景中要经历的
I mean, it's exactly what I'm going through
你不知道
on this fucking set. You have no idea.
所有这些人 就像放猫一样
All these men, it's like herding cats.
他们都需要关注 他们都需要表达
They all need attention, they all need to express
以及他们对我的看法
their opinions to me.
老实说 他们会像这样对待一个男导演吗
Honestly, would they treat a male director like this?
我不这么认为
I don't think so.
你知道 我是JT的母亲 我是电影里的妈妈
You know, I'm JT's mother, I'm the movie's mother,
我是他妈的世界之母 太累了
I'm the fucking world's mother. It's exhausting.
但是你做的很好 对吧
But you're doing okay though, right?
宝贝 我很高兴你来了
Baby, I'm so happy you're here.
你知道 你在我身边 我就会冷静下来
You know, you ground me. Calm me down.
我必须完成这个场景 必须是完美的 对吧
I gotta finish this scene. Gotta be perfect, right?
要干的比他们好
Gotta be better than the guys.
-伊娃 我们需要你在片场 -约翰
- Eva, we need you on the set. - John.
我告诉过你们 这不是我们要放这个的地方
I told you this is not the right place that we're gonna put this.
-什么 -她看起来太他妈古怪了
- What? - She looks fucking wrecked.
他妈的
Fuck.
我无法描述我现在的感受
I can't describe what I'm feeling.
就像这样
It's like this...
似曾相识的感觉
deja vu feeling.
但我觉得我回到了福利院
But I feel like I'm home.
JT
JT...
和伊娃 这太恐怖了
and Eva, that was so spooky.
看着莎拉
Looking at Sarah.
你知道 就像她了解的所有事情一样
You know, like all these things she's picking up on.
我从来没有告诉过任何人
I've never ever told anybody about it.
所有关于莎拉的事
All about S... Sarah,
我最好的朋友在福利院
my best friend in the group home.
就像正在直视她
It's like looking right at her.
艺术是
Art is...
真可怕 伙计
eerie shit, man.
这太疯狂了
This is so crazy.
我必须告诉伊娃真相
I have to tell Eva the truth.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
-宝贝 -嘿
- Baby. - Hey.
哦 嘿 我真高兴你能来
Oh, hey, I'm so glad you came.
你能相信这一切都在发生吗
Can you believe it's all happening?
-这太疯狂了 -对吧
- It's crazy. - Right?
你还好吗 有比之前稍微好一些吗
You doing okay? A little bit better from earlier?
是的 我很抱歉 我只是
Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I just...
我度过了操蛋的一天
I had the worst fucking day.
-但这一切都会 -JT
- But it's all gonna be... - JT!
请坐 我去给你拿杯喝的
Sit down, I'm gonna get you a drink.
嘿 见到你真是太他妈高兴了
Hey, nice to fucking meet you in person.
-是的 嘿 -嘿
- Yeah. Hey. - Hey.
我很兴奋能参加你的电影
I am so excited to be in your fucking movie.
他早就知道了 傻瓜
He knows that already, silly.
呃 我从来没有 演过任何事
Uh, I've never a... acted in anything,
这太酷了
and it's so cool.
你的工作做得很好
You're doing a really good job.
-那你觉得奇怪吗 -什么
- So is it, like, weird for you? - What?
就像看到你的整个生活像狗屎般重构
Like seeing your whole life recreated and shit?
是的 是很奇怪
Uh, yeah, it's weird.
我一直在写我们谈论过的那首歌
I... I've been working on that song we were talkin' about.
嗯 弹吧
Hmm, play it.
我们是第一次还是第二次定下来的 我不记得了
Did we settle on first or second? I... I can't remember.
-第一次 -是的
- First. - Yeah.
你得把它录下来 宝贝 你知道
You gotta get that recorded, baby, you know,
已经准备好作为背景音乐
so it's ready for the soundtrack.
我会的
I... I'm gonna.
这真的很酷 呃
It's really cool that, uh,
艾斯特也有一些背景音乐
Astor's got some stuff for the soundtrack too.
哦 我的天 JT
Oh, my God, JT.
我真的不想再谈这个了
I really can't talk about this again.
我很抱歉 宝贝
I'm sorry, babe.
情况就是这样
I am thinkin' about it.
好的
Okay.
记住 宝贝 明天那场戏
Remember, babe, that scene tomorrow
我刚才说的是什么
that I was talkin' about earlier?
当你在地下室看到耶利米
When you see Jeremiah in the... in the basement?
你知道 我知道我要用洋娃娃拍他
You know, I know I was gonna shoot it with the dolly,
还记得我之前告诉你的吗
remember I was telling you about earlier?
但我觉得
But I feel like,
我觉得我需要用手持设备拍
I feel like I need to shoot it handheld...
你介意我洗个澡吗 我只是觉得
You mind if I take a shower? I've just been like
一整天都在跑 我觉得很脏
runnin' around all day. I feel really dirty.
那边
It's over there.
我觉得会爽多了
I think it'd be much cooler...
嘿
Hey.
-你在帮倒忙 -我在帮你
- You're not helping. - I'm helping you.
停下 停下
Stop! Stop it.
我累了 我们走吧 哦 我的天哪
I'm tired, let's go. Oh, my God.
嘿 太迟了 宝贝 就在这里休息吧
Hey. It's so late, babe. Just crash here.
这真的非常舒服 曼森上周一直在这
This is actually super comfy. Manson stayed on it last week.
我们要去睡觉了 我太累了
We're gonna go to bed, I'm so fucking tired.
-晚安 JT -晚安
- Night, JT. - Goodnight.
-晚安 -嘿
- Goodnight. - Hey.
她并不是真的要退出 对吧
She's not really quitting, right?
我的意思是
I mean...
她会来的 是吗
she'll come around, huh?
-我们是一个团队 -不 宝贝 不
- We're a team. - No, baby, no.
听着 对不起 我就在这说清楚 好吗
Look, I'm sorry, I gotta set a boundary here, okay?
要么你停止
Either you stop...
要么我退出
or I'm out.
嘿
Hey.
你知道这对我意味着什么吗
You know what that means for me?
好了 我不这样了
Okay, it's done.
可以
Okay.
好的
Okay.
-嗯 -嗯
- Mm-hmm? - Mm-hmm.
好吧 听着 我要赶飞机了
Alright, look, I gotta jet.
我很快就回来 好吗
I'll be back soon, okay?
别担心 我会回去写的
Don't worry, I'll get back to writin'.
不 相信我 你
No, trust me, you.
我真的回答不了 道特
I can't really answer that, Dot.
他们说不存在 所以
They said don't exist, so...
我甚至现在都不该对你说 对吧
I'm not even talkin' to you right now, right?
当这么惨的时候
When shit that's this bleak...
你不知道我都还能去哪里
You have no idea where I could go,
我还能做些什么
what I could do to myself.
你不知道
You have no idea.
JT
JT.
我
I...
我觉得你找错了人
I think you've got the wrong person,
但我会把你的话传达
but I'll send your server over.
好的
Okay.
杰森 不 我不
Jason, no, I don't...
什么
What?
真的吗 那太疯狂了
Really? That's crazy.
我只是想把我压垮 说我不存在
Just trying to cut me down, say I don't exist.
我在外面 说我在一家餐馆工作
And I'm out there, say I'm workin' in a restaurant
当我在这里跟你说话的时候
when I'm here talkin' to you...
伊娃 你为什么就是一秒钟
Eva, why would you for one second
也要去听一些愚蠢的谣言
listen to some dumb rumor?
谣言一直在我身边盘旋了好几年
Rumors have been circling me for years.
我的意思是 你知道我的精神
I mean, come on, you know my spirit,
我的灵魂 我的艺术
my soul, my art.
我们是有创造力的合作伙伴
We're creative partners.
你一定要相信我
You gotta trust me on this.
我怎么能
How can I pro...
首映式
The premiere...
当然 我想去 但是
Of course, I wanna come, but...
你知道旅行对我有多困难
you know how hard travel is on me.
好的 我明白了 我明白了
Yeah, okay, I get it, I get...
我 我去
I... I'll go.
我会去的
I'll be there.
-一切都好吗 -是的
- Everything okay? - Yeah.
劳拉怎么样
Was that Laura?
我看得出来
I can tell.
伊娃的电影 或者JT的电影之类的
Eva's movie, or JT's movie or whatever
参加了戛纳电影节
got into the Cannes Film Festival.
他们想让JT离开
And they want JT to go.
嗯 他们非常绝望
Well, they're pretty desperate...
让他去那里宣传电影 还有
for him to be there, like, to promote the movie, and...
他们会付给我1000美元一天
and they'd pay me, like, $1000 a day.
人们也持怀疑态度 你知道 尤其是伊娃
And people are skeptical, too, you know, especially Eva.
如果JT不去 一切都完了
If JT doesn't go, the whole thing will be over
对劳拉来说 你知道的
for Laura, you know.
我知道 但是 那又怎样
I know, but... so what?
每次你演完JT回来
Every time you come back from being JT,
你都是一团糟
you're a mess.
我可以用这些钱 这可是一大笔钱
I could use the money. It's a lot of money.
在你工作的时候再利用更多的人吗
Use a few more people while you're at it?
这 这还真是它的还原简化版本
That's a... really reductive, simplified version of it.
我们已经讨论过了
We've talked about that.
好的
Okay.
让我们还原一下
Let's get real for a second.
人们对JT的反应是因为他们认为他是谁
People respond to JT because of who they think he is.
但是你们所做的就像
But what you guys are doing is just like...
人们得到的和付出的一样多
People get just as much as they put into it.
就像他们利用我们 我们利用他们
It's like they use us, we use them.
每个人都在互相利用 就这样
Everyone uses each other. That's, like, how it is.
哦 天哪
Oh, my God.
你已经决定了 不是吗
You've already decided, haven't you?
只是再来一次
It's one more time.
我的意思是 你现在听从自己了吗
I mean, do you hear yourself right now?
再来一次 就像
Just one more time again? Like...
你听起来像个瘾君子
You sound like an addict.
老实说 我
Honestly, I'm...
遗失了什么
missing something.
就像 我遗失的
Like, I... I miss it.
拜托 我们都知道这是关于伊娃的
Please. We both know this is about Eva.
你错过了她
You miss her?
你想念她吗
Do you wanna see her?
但这不会发生了 小萨
But that's not happenin', Sav.
我的意思是 这太疯狂了
I mean, it's crazy.
她喜欢的是JT 而不是你
She's into who she thinks JT is, not you.
我在巴黎和她做了
I fucked her in Paris.
-什么 -我应该告诉你的
- What? - I should've told you.
我 我很抱歉
I... I'm sorry.
我一直都知道你在迷恋
I always knew you had a crush.
我的意思是 这是很明显的
I mean, it was fuckin' obvious.
但是 当然 我 我不认为这有什么意义
But, of course, I... I didn't think it really meant anything.
我的意思是 你了解我
I mean, you know me.
如果你早点告诉我 我就不会这么受惊了
Had you told me earlier, I wouldn't have freaked out
但为什么撒谎
but to lie about it?
想想你到底想要什么 你到底在做什么
Just think about what you want and what you're doin'
然后我们再谈
and then we can talk.
噢
Oy.
-嗨 伊娃 嘿
- Oy. - Hey, Eva. Hey.
他们想让你们俩来介绍这部电影
They want the two of you to introduce the film.
-不 不 嘘 -伊娃 伊娃
- No, no. Shh. - Eva! Eva!
-不 不 -什么
- No, no. - What?
-宝贝 -哦 我的天
- Babyhead. - Oh, my God.
到这里来
What's... come here.
怎么了
What's wrong?
我不知道我在想什么
I don't know what I was thinking.
我真的认为
I really thought that
我们之间会有结果
something could have worked out between us.
我觉得自己完全像个傻子一样
I feel like a complete idiot.
哦 不要责怪你自己
Oh, don't blame yourself.
好吗 哦 我的天
Okay? Oh, my God.
什么 因为去了那里
What? For going there?
如果我们没有去那儿 我们就永远不会成长
If we never let ourselves go there, we'll never grow.
所以 你感觉糟透了 是吗
So, you're stuck, right?
和她的情感纠纷
Some emotional vortex with her.
是不可避免的 所以你需要找她聊聊
There's no way around that, so you need to talk to her
关于在田纳西州发生的事情
about what happened in Tennessee.
你陷入了僵局 我亲爱的朋友
You're at an impasse, my beautiful friend.
明白吗
Okay?
这就像是揭开了一个伤口的伤疤
It's like one of those sores that scabs over
所有的污垢都在下面
and all kinds of dirt are underneath.
你需要做的是把脏东西取出来
You just gotta go back in and take that dirt out.
和她谈谈 收拾好残局 对吧
Talk to her and clean up this mess, right?
是的
Yeah.
嘿 有我呢
Hey, I love you.
-嗯 -走吧
- Love you. - Come on.
你拍了一部关于卡车停靠站工作的妓女的电影
You took a film about truck stop hookers
参加戛纳电影节
to the Cannes Film Festival.
人们知道电影
People know you're only involved if it's edgy,
有意义 真实 你才会参加
if it's relevant, if it's real.
但更重要的是 JT把
But more importantly, JT is interested
灵魂 精神上的问题
in taking the problems of the soul, the spirit,
改造成工艺很感兴趣 你知道的
and transforming them into craft, you know.
我的天 他用自己的设计做到了这一点
Oh, my God, he does it with his own designs!
你 呃 亲自设计
You, uh, design?
哦 太不可思议了
Oh, he's, he's amazing.
很多
So many...
我只是想 说一些事
I... I just wanna, um, say something.
就在田纳西州
Just that in Tennessee,
我感觉 嗯
I was feeling, um,
就像 真的很受伤很受伤
like, really hurt 'cause, you know,
你和本 在一起
that you were with, uh, Ben.
并不是你不应该那样
Not that you s... shouldn't have been,
只是 嗯
it's just, um...
我不应该在那里
I shouldn't have been there and...
这很尴尬 很差劲
it was awkward and shitty, uh...
真的吗
Really?
这就是你想说的 JT
That's what you wanna talk about, JT?
你还想要什么 就像醉后亲热
What did you expect? Like, one drunk fuck
然后我和你一起在夕阳下奔跑
and I was gonna run off into the sunset with you
然后经营一段甜甜的小同性恋感情吗
and be in some sweet little lesbian relationship?
我的意思是 你发的那些邮件
I mean, you wr... wrote all those...
你知道的
e-mails, you know.
我猜你只是想要电影的版权
I guess you just wanted the film rights.
我为这部电影倾尽了所有
I put my whole life in this movie.
我拍了这个根据真实故事改编的电影 对吧
I made a movie that is based on a true story, right?
我为你拍了这部电影
I made this film for you.
你也为自己拍了这部电影
I mean, you kind of made it for yourself too...
别提醒我我是为了谁拍的
You know, don't tell me who I made this movie for!
行吗 不要假装你不知道
Alright, and don't pretend like you don't know
我到底想讲什么
what I'm trying to talk about.
你知道我有多少次为你辩护吗
Do you know how many times I had to defend you?
比如告诉人们 不 JT是真实存在的
Like tell people, "No, JT is actually real?"
如果这整件事都是扯淡
If this whole thing turns out to be bullshit...
那我就毁了 JT 好吗
I'm gonna be devastated, JT, okay?
你得告诉我
You gotta tell me.
求你告诉我你的故事是真实的
Please tell me that your story is real.
告诉我你写了这些书
Tell me that you wrote these books...
你就是你所说的那样
and that you are who you say you are.
伊娃
Eva...
JT是任何你想要他变成的样子
I mean, JT's whoever you want him to be.
我的天
Oh, my God.
我觉得我们像是鲑鱼
I feel like we're salmon
回到了自己大海的家
returning to our ocean home.
我们终于破茧而出
And w... we're finally leavin' the chrysalis
成为我们自己的帝王蝶
to become the monarch butterflies of our own selves.
我感觉我到达了
I feel like I've arrived.
就像我终于找到了真我
Like I finally found my true self.
劳拉 我是 卫报 的约翰布拉德韦尔
Laura, this is John Bradwell from "The Guardian."
我正在写一篇关于JT的文章
I'm running a piece about JT.
特别是关于我在网上找到的萨凡纳的照片
In particular, about the photo I found online of Savannah.
它看起来很像莱罗伊先生
It looks strikingly like Mr. LeRoy.
回复我的电话会对你非常有利
It'd really be in your best interest to return my call.
靠
Fuck.
杰夫 我是 卫报 的布拉德韦尔
Geoff, Bradwell with "The Guardian"
再次打电话确认萨凡纳
calling again to confirm that Savannah...
是的 嗯 萨凡纳 呃 是我妹妹
Yeah, yeah, uh, Savannah, uh, my sister,
是 JT 莱罗伊的外形
was... was the body of... of JT LeRoy, yeah.
但是 但是劳拉才是真的JT
But... but Laura was... Laura was the voice.
她 她完成的所有作品
She... she did all the writing.
萨凡纳 布拉德韦尔又打来了
Savannah, Bradwell calling again.
听着 我知道你是大众眼里的JT
Listen, I know for a fact that you're JT,
所以在这一点上你应该
so at this point you should really
希望你在我的故事开始前做个声明
just make a statement before my story runs.
真的莱罗伊
这听起来可能有点疯狂 但整件事从来都不是
This may sound crazy, but the whole thing was never
真的莱罗伊
不是一个大阴谋 根本不是
a... a big scheme. Never at all.
我的意思是 它只是
I mean, it was just...
我不知道 一切都失控了
I don't know. It just got out of hand.
就像滚雪球 它落地了
It snowballed, I guess.
恶作剧之后 人们的反应不一
JT 莱罗伊确认为两名女性
JT 莱罗伊并不存在
JT莱罗伊的各种面孔 到底哪个是真？
他妈的搞什么
What the fuck?
我想我们背叛了一些人 当然
I guess we betrayed some people, sure.
宝贝 有人跟着你吗
Baby, did you get followed?
我不知道 我觉得没有
I don't know. I don't think so.
靠
Oh, fuck.
这就是他妈的政治迫害
This is a fucking witch hunt.
你想喝杯茶吗
Do you... you want a tea?
或者 我可以 我可以给你做鸡蛋之类的
Or I can... I can make you eggs or something.
不 我不能吃任何东西 我没事
No, I... I can't eat anything. I'm okay.
哦 天哪
Oh, my God.
宝贝
Babe.
他们知道我是谁了
They know who I am now.
我很惭愧
I'm so ashamed.
我只是想他妈的消失
I just wanna fucking disappear.
你还好吗
How are you holding up?
我的意思是 我以为自己会觉得解脱了
I mean, I figured I'd feel some kind of relief...
但我有点不知所措
but I'm kind of at a loss.
我只是 就像
I just, like...
-是的 -是的
- At a loss. - Yeah.
宝贝
Babyhead...
这是这本书的结尾
it's the fucking end of the book.
就像 莎拉 的结尾
It's like the end of "Sarah."
JT就像在树林里裸奔
JT's like running naked through the woods.
他们拿着干草叉
They have pitchforks.
他们追在他后面
They're fucking after him.
很生气 因为他实际上是个男孩
Mad 'cause he's actually a boy.
你可以写一个不同的结尾
You could have written a different ending.
必须是那个结局
Had to be that ending.
这是一个伟大的结局
It's a great fuckin' ending.
他们认为这个作品是骗人的
They think that the work is fraudulent.
这不是骗局 不是欺诈
You know, this ain't a hoax, this ain't fraud.
书是真实的
The books are real.
喂
Hello?
喂
Hello?
一年后
言归正传 让我们热烈欢迎
Without further ado, let's give a warm welcome
劳拉 艾伯特
to Laura Albert.
汤姆 韦茨
Tom Waits...
想要做一个采访
wanted to do an interview
关于JT莱罗伊的 浮华世界
with JT LeRoy for "Vanity Fair."
JT拒绝了
JT declined...
因为他是出了名的害羞
because he was notoriously shy.
JT害羞的原因
One of the reasons JT...
是因为
was so shy...
根本不存在JT这个人
is JT didn't have a body.
JT只是一个化身
JT was an avatar.
我们创造了这个角色
We are given this persona,
然后我们找到了替身
and then we are given this body,
而且没有任何人向我们承诺
and there's no promise from whomever made us...
要将两者同步
that the two will be in sync.
但是我觉的 我们可以陷入
A... and hey, I say we can be in the misery...
将这两者同步的痛苦中
of trying to get them to match up...
或者我们可以创造自己的世界
or we can create our own world.
言归正传
Let me take you back.
我出生在福利院
I was in a group home,
这让我身处痛苦之中
I'm in my pain,
到处都是痛苦
and there's pain all around.
我在寻找方法
And I'm... I'm looking for the tools...
为了让其他也感觉到这种痛苦的人
for other people to feel that pain,
能够理解
to understand it.
但我不能成为JT
And I can't be in this body, you know.
因为我最害怕的是
Because my biggest fear is
如果我告诉你我的痛苦
if I tell you my pain...
你会说 你活该
you'll say, "You deserved it."
你真恶心
"You're disgusting."
你糟透了
"You're horrible."
我看到这些上课外辅导的
And I'm seeing these blond blue-eyed boys
金发碧眼的男孩 我想
on after-school specials, and I'm like...
我得找一个替身
I gotta find another body.
所以我开始给自杀热线打电话
So I start calling suicide hotlines...
然后我遇到了JT
and I meet JT.
我和其他人一样惊讶
I was as surprised as everyone else...
JT所写的
what JT wrote.
然后我很伤心
Then I was sad...
因为我不能给予JT
'cause I couldn't give JT
他想要的身体
the body he wanted...
他应得的躯体
the body he deserved.
然后他在萨凡纳身上发现了这一点
And he found that in Savannah.
-但是 其实 这就是 -哦 我懂
- Um, but to be back is... - Oh, I know.
-换了一下 -太不可思议了
- Meta. - It's incredible.
-你叫什么名字 -米凯拉
- What's your name? - Mikayla.
-米凯拉 我的荣幸 -谢谢
- Mikayla. Pleasure. - Thank you.
-真的 -嘿
- Really. - Hey.
宝贝 过来
Babyhead, get in here.
过了很长一段时间了
It's been a long time.
我很庆幸我来了
I'm... I'm really glad that I came.
你来了我真的很高兴
I'm really glad you did too.
-你叫什么名字 -嗯 DJ
- What's your name? - Uh, D.J.
DJ 谢谢你的到来 -非常感谢您
- D.J., thanks for coming. - Thank you so much.
-杰夫怎么样了 -他很好
- How's Geoff? - He's good.
你知道 做他自己 搞音乐
You know, he's being Geoff. Making music.
我也喜欢你刚刚说的
I like what you said earlier too.
谢谢你喜欢我的书
Thank you for connecting to "Sarah" like that.
-它真的很不错 -哦
- It's really beautiful. - Oh!
我们能不能给你们拍张照片
C... can we just get a picture of you guys?
-可以 -没问题 当然可以
- Sure. Um, yeah. - Yeah, sure.
哇
Wow.
看镜头
Here we are.
好吧 我也是来告别的
Well, I also came to say goodbye.
我要搬到纽约去了 我很兴奋
Um, I'm gonna move to New York. I'm excited.
哇 我觉得 这对你来说是很好的发展
Wow, I guess. That's a big one for you.
-你叫什么名字 -嗯 托马斯
- What's your name? - Uh, Thomas.
恭喜你
Congratulations.
你知道 也许我会在世界各地见到你
And you know, maybe I'll see you out in the world.
我只是在做我想做的
We're playin' in the fields of the Lord.
-你叫什么名字 -艾利克斯
- What's your name? - Alex.
嘿 小萨
Hey S... Sav.
我听说你在尝试写作
I heard you were, uh, writing.
是的
Yeah.
只要记住 你扮演过作家
Just remember, just 'cause you played a writer
这并不意味着你可以成为作家
doesn't mean you are one.
祝你好运
Good luck.
谢谢
Thank you.
-你叫什么名字 -伊娃
- What's your name? - Eva.
伊娃
Eva...